I learned of the quote from this article about how a prominent US retailer is slowly bleeding itself to death. Strategic failures can take a long time to be noticed and by the time you notice them, it is too late.

The opposite is also true: strategic successes take a long time to bear fruit but suddenly, there they are.

And not by eastern windows only,
When daylight comes, comes in the light,
In front, the sun climbs slow, how slowly,
But westward, look, the land is bright.

With the first light of the day, the damage was clearer. The pine trees, with their thin needles, mostly survived. The leafy ones: oaks, elms, ashes, maples had a harder time. We have a 30+ ft. elm in our back yard that cracked and is now leaning on the back deck.

But what if we framed the story differently?

The climate has changed and The Elms et al are no longer suitable for this area.

It wasn’t that the storm was early, the trees were late — they failed to anticipate climate change and to adapt. And a lot of them are dead as a result.

It happens to companies all the time. The Four Horsemen of the internet bubble were Sun, Cisco, Microsoft and Dell. Somewhere along the line Microsoft and Dell were replaced by Oracle and EMC. Sun was absorbed into Oracle a couple of years ago. The buzz now is all about Facebook, Google, Apple and Amazon.

Hearken back to another era and the pride of New England: Digital, Wang, Data General, Prime Computer. All gone! Was that a failure of management, as most of my friends will tell you?

Or was it, as with our elm tree, a failure to adapt?

Jonathan Franken, in Liking Is for Cowards. Go for What Hurts, talks about losing yourself in what moves you. Passion is good but obsession is even better! Is he trying to drag us into the world of passion? Why do we advise in one direction for entrepreneurs and a different direction for life?

As if entrepreneurship is separated from life!

In It’s Not About You, David Brooks reconciles the two strands. Indeed, it’s not about you. It’s not about the millions you will make. It’s not about how your family and friends will respect you more. It’s not about what a great idea you have. It’s about passion OK, but not your passion. It’s about the passion you generate outside of you. It’s about the passion you generate in your employees and your customers.

It’s not about you. It’s about how much passion you can generate in your ecosystem. And whether you can be obsessed with creating it. Only one problem remains.

Does anyone know of a way to will oneself into an obsession?

Yes, visioning is pretty good too, when the possibilities are endless and one has an empty canvas to paint on. But really, closing is more fun. Perhaps we shouldn’t call it closing at all, perhaps “birthing” is the right word. Because it is really about the software going from incubation to being out there on its own, without the umbilical cord.

Most people enjoy the celebrations, the cigars and the parties that go with it. The curse of being an introvert, I suppose, that I don’t. I enjoy that sneaking out of the parties to look after how the software is doing is considered acceptable. The very first time I went through the experience as the architect, I was allowed to skip the party because there was a show-stopper bug. People brought wine and cheese from the party to my desk as I worked; I never enjoyed a party so much!

But that’s getting ahead of the story.

A few weeks prior is the special time. Previously unseen aspects of people’s personalities come out at this time. For me, it’s time to get practical, when every flaw needs to be looked at from a survival viewpoint. The crooked nose can be sculpted afterwards as long as the heart and the lungs will ensure survival. Others complain that the nose isn’t what they had in mind. A few are still lobbying for a pair of wings. Yet all must come to terms with the event that is about to happen and be there to support the mission after the launch.

It’s the coming together to get it done that I enjoy so much. What could be more primal than that?

Sitting on the floor, touch your toe, now lower your head toward your knee.

Do you feel the stretch in your spine?

Good, now just relax into the stretch, breathe normally!

It takes all the will power I have to hold the position for 30-seconds. Relax is hardly the word I would use! And yet, isn’t that what stretching is all about? I mean about stretching oneself into a new career and a new way of being.

If one can breathe normally in the new stretch, one has become the change that was envisioned.

It’s nice to be here after many years and see many familiar faces and talk about my own spiritual journey. I want to thank you for being here, and I hope you will share your thoughts and just visit for a bit afterwards if time allows.

You’ll notice a number of the readings today are from Franz Kafka. Most people who suffered through The Trial back in college or graduate school probably never wanted to read him again but I’ve found a resonance with him. Still, a reminder that the title of this talk is ‘Exploring One’s Inner Sanctum’, not ‘Introduction to Kafka’, in case you were concerned.

Abstract

The opening phrase in many of the ten commandments is “Thou Shalt Not. ” So it is with our legal system — things you can’t do. The guidance on what to do is rare, so how does one resolve the existential questions of life?

The inflexion points of history — our revolution and the civil rights movement are examples — are all shaped by questioning existing laws. Even the day-to-day questions like “should I become a lawyer or a tennis professional?” are answered not by looking outward for guidance but inward.

The Spiritual Tradition in Major Religions

Truth be known it’s not exactly true that religion doesn’t tell you to look inward, but it is suspicious of looking inward. So I’ll talk a bit about how and where an introspective approach fits in the major religions of the world. I’ll be setting this table for about 6-7 minutes talking about role of spirituality in organized religion and then go more into the what and how of an introspective approach to spirituality.

My first introduction to The New Testament was the Gospel of John. What I didn’t know at the time, and learned only recently, is that certain passages in the Gospel of John can only be understood as responses to a community whose beliefs were based on the Gospel of Thomas. For example, scholars mention John’s repeated references to the inability of the world to recognize the divine light (Jn 1:5, 1:10), John’s insistence on the uniqueness of Jesus as the “only begotten” son, and the “I am” sayings (especially, “I am the way, the truth, and the life; no one comes to the father except through me,” addressed pointedly to Thomas in Jn 14:6).

The Gospel of Thomas didn’t make it into the final four. It is mystical and emphasizes a direct and unmediated experience of the truth of life. In Thomas v.108, Jesus said, “Whoever drinks from my mouth will become as I am; I myself shall become that person, and the hidden things will be revealed to him.” Salvation here is personal and found through spiritual introspection. In Thomas v.70, Jesus says,  ”If you bring forth what is within you, what you have will save you. If you do not bring it forth, what you do not have within you will kill you.” In Thomas v.3, Jesus says,[30]

…the Kingdom of God is inside of you, and it is outside of you. When you come to know yourselves, then you will become known, and you will realize that it is you who are the sons of the living Father. But if you will not know yourselves, you dwell in poverty, and it is you who are that poverty.

The teaching of salvation (i.e., entering the Kingdom of Heaven) that is found in The Gospel of Thomas is neither that of “works” nor of “grace” as the dichotomy is found in the canonical gospels, but what might be called a third way, that of insight. The overriding concern of The Gospel of Thomas is to find the light within in order to be a light unto the world. In this sense I find echoes of the Buddha in the Thomas Gospel.

In contrast to the Gospel of John, where Jesus is likened to a (divine and beloved) Lord as in ruler, the Thomas gospel portrays Jesus as more the ubiquitous vehicle of mystical inspiration and enlightenment. In Thomas v. 77 where Jesus said,

I am the light that shines over all things. I am everywhere. From me all came forth, and to me all return.

Split a piece of wood, and I am there. Lift a stone, and you will find me there.

Contrast this to John’s idea that salvation was gained through the experience of discovery of the meaning of Jesus’ teaching, as in “In the beginning was the Word, and the Word was with God, and the Word was God.”. The Johannine Community believes in a bodily resurrection; Thomas community believes in a spiritual resurrection and completely rejects a bodily resurrection. So when John has Thomas physically touch the risen Jesus and acknowledge his bodily nature, “he shows Thomas giving up his search for experiential truth – his ‘unbelief’ – to confess what John sees as the truth….” (Pagels, pp. 66–73).

Sufi

Elsewhere, the Sufi tradition of Islam is a mystical tradition encompassing poetry, music (yes, music) and dancing – whirling dervishes and all. Among the general population they are highly revered. In some quarters they are not even considered a part of Islam at all. One little reading from Rumi before we move on.

I searched for God among the Christians and on the Cross and therein I found Him not.

I went into the ancient temples of idolatry; no trace of Him was there.

I entered the mountain cave of Hira and then went as far as Qandhar but God I found not.

With set purpose I fared to the summit of Mount Caucasus and found there only ‘anqa’s habitation.

Then I directed my search to the Kaaba, the resort of old and young; God was not there even.

Turning to philosophy I inquired about him from ibn Sina but found Him not within his range.

I fared then to the scene of the Prophet’s experience of a great divine manifestation only a “two bow-lengths’ distance from him” but God was not there even in that exalted court.

Finally, I looked into my own heart and there I saw Him; He was nowhere else.

Bhagwad Gita

The Bhagwad Gita, from the Hindu tradition, is another one of my favorite books. I won’t quote from it today but the basic premise of the book is this: the protagonist is stuck between two injunctions and the only way out is to violate one or the other. Left without guidance, he seeks advice. The advice is occasionally mystical but mostly not. And what you get is 18 chapters of beautiful Sanskrit poetry, copious praise for the God within, and an injunction to follow the path shown by that internal moral compass.

The Journey

All this is fine, we get it, gotta look inside yourself. But what does it really mean? How does one do that?

Let me clarify first. A call to listen to your inner self is not a call to doing whatever you feel like. Why were you speeding? My inner self told me to, officer, and now my inner self is telling me to grab a baseball bat and … I see it as a guidance for our frontal cortex, those executive functions, that parent-self within ourselves, the self that guides our goals and connects our actions, one to the next.

For the journey, I invite you back to Kafka, this one from a parable called “My Destination”

I called for my horse to be brought from the stable. The servant did not understand me. I myself went into the stable, saddled my horse and mounted.

In the distance I heard a bugle call. I asked him what it meant but he did not know and had not heard it.

By the gate he stopped me and asked “where are you riding to sir?” I answered “away from here, away from here, always away from here. Only by doing so can I reach my destination.” “Then you know your destination” he asked. ”Yes” I said ”I have already said so, ‘Away-From-Here’ that is my destination.”

“You have no provisions with you” he said. “I don’t need any” I said. “The journey is so long that I will die of hunger if I do not get something along the way. It is, fortunately, a truly immense journey.”

I love this parable because it embodies the essence of being centered.

• First, he calls for the horse to be brought from the stable and ends up doing it himself. The servant doesn’t understand him. No one is going to understand what this quest is. It is your quest, not their quest. When the servant didn’t hear him, he didn’t just say it louder. He went and did it himself. He commands only those that are capable of being commanded by him, he holds no sway over others and he knows it.
• Second, he hears the bugle call. Again, the servant did not hear it. He’s on his own. I want to elaborate on this a little bit, because here is a case of being centered enough to be able to hear. He was getting ready to leave anyway but this was a call.
  • I remember Rich Davison, many years ago, talking about having spent some time at a retreat in Western Massachusetts. The first few days they were not supposed to talk to anyone, no spoken words whatsoever. Not even a polite hello to people you pass hiking a trail. They wore a little tag saying they were in silent meditation so people won’t think they’re being rude. The purpose, of course, is to quiet down so the faint voice within can be heard.
  • In many Native American groups, the Vision Quest is a turning point in life taken before puberty to find oneself and the intended spiritual and life direction. When an older child is ready, he or she will go on a personal, spiritual quest alone in the wilderness, often in conjunction with a period of fasting. This usually lasts for a number of days while the child is attuned to the spirit world. Usually, a Guardian animal will come in a vision or dream, and their life direction will appear at some point.
  • Seems to me, one is not likely to hear the bugle in front of the TV watching a movie.
  • Seems to me, one is not likely to hear the bugle when your cell phone is ringing, or your boss wants to know why the deadline was missed, or why your project is over budget, or when the bank is foreclosing on your house. But maybe the call of the bugle is a little more audible once you have already lost the job, or your house, and are now trying to assess what to do next. I wouldn’t wish it on anyone but a dark and quiet world does make it easier to hear the distant bugle.
• Third, there is the idea of not really knowing one’s destination. “Away from here” is all he can say. There is a destiny but neither one knows what it is. And, that’s no reason to not leave. Whatever is not known at this moment will be revealed later.
• Fourth, is the most interesting part. It’s about traveling light, of course, but to me the provisions and baggage are your prejudices and preconceived notions. And they need to be left behind and life needs to be looked at from a fresh and more innocent perspective. In a spiritual sense, that’s the biggest baggage, isn’t it?

I would like to re-read the parable one more time and we can talk about it after. (skip if running short of time)

I called for my horse to be brought from the stable. The servant did not understand me. I myself went into the stable, saddled my horse and mounted.

In the distance I heard a bugle call. I asked him what it meant but he did not know and had not heard it.

By the gate he stopped me and asked “where are you riding to sir?” I answered “away from here, away from here, always away from here. Only by doing so can I reach my destination.” “Then you know your destination” he asked. ”Yes” I said ”I have already said so, ‘Away-From-Here’ that is my destination.”

“You have no provisions with you” he said. “I don’t need any” I said. “The journey is so long that I will die of hunger if I do not get something along the way. It is, fortunately, a truly immense journey.”

This theme of long journeys and patient struggles appears again and again, in Kafka and elsewhere. Our civil rights movement didn’t start with Dr. King and it didn’t end with him either. They are long struggles, they take generations and still they are incomplete.

Returning our attention to Before the Law, which is another depiction of a long and fruitless wait, I used to think of it as a very sad piece at first. Soon after, it became a call to action, something that said there are times we have to have the courage to push past the guard just as he invited the man to do, and the parable became a call for courage for me.

Only recently have I started to see it as a joyful parable. Well, OK, joyful in a sad sort of way. The man did everything he could think to do, but all through he acted properly, politely, patiently, legally, non-violently. He never gave up his goal and he never gave up trying to achieve it without cutting corners. For me there is joy and celebration in that.

To cite an example from real life, the Dalai Lama has been camped outside the gates of Tibet for nearly 50 years now, still waiting for permission to enter!

The Destination

I’d like to end with a meditation, meditation inspired by Before the Law. It comes from one of my dreams and like all dreams, it doesn’t fit the parable perfectly. It imagines an alternative ending to the parable, one in which the man has entered the gates of law. What he is actually entering is more a temple — think the Basillica in Rome or what the Grand Temple in Luxor may have been like. You are welcome to close your eyes but you don’t have to, of course. After the reading, please observe a silence for about 15 seconds.

Outside, grandiose and imposing, designed to inspire awe. Leave your ego at the door as you enter. You will have no use for it inside.

Inside, the drama of worship. Candles, bells, pews, hymns, words of wisdom. Distractions all, but helpful in their own way.

Go further in, until you can hear the silence. Your own silence.

What’s this? The sound of your inner wars, evocation of the grandiosity you thought you left far outside. Wars from decades ago, deeds, words and thoughts that shaped you — like chisels shape marble.

It’s dark now. The chisels have fallen silent. In the sanctuary, you can not see, only feel. There is no one here.

What you came to worship was your inner self.

But it means:

• You’ve really got to pay attention, you can’t drive through life on autopilot.
• GPS is like autopilot. It won’t help you discover the unknown unknowns (to borrow a phrase from NNTaleb). The only way to do that is to get lost first.
• You can’t work on the easy stuff. Actively seek things that are just slightly out of reach.
• You can’t feel sorry for yourself if you lose. Losing is part of winning.
• Get advice, listen closely but think for yourself, and do it with conviction and deliberation.
• Go out of your way to help others, even strangers. They will help you discover the unknown unknowns, or not.

If I were the praying type, these are the things I would pray for.

With venture capital at an all-time low, it’s one giant parking space. No guarantees for dings to one’s ego. I haven’t posted in a while, working through a few different opportunities.

One was a client who was always expecting to get new business “real soon”. Business can take a while to solidify. How does one know if an opportunity will always remain just an opportunity? One doesn’t, of course. In the end, I walked away because I didn’t trust that his approach would be successful. As Yogi Berra said, one can observe a lot by just watching.

The other two are start-up businesses where I am an equal partner. Both are new concepts at different stages of business planning. Not every wagon makes it across the frontier but these two seem worthwhile to invest some time in.

You arrive in a new country and everything is different. Things that are the same are different too. Even the toothpaste tastes different. You think you understand the language, but you don’t understand the meaning. You hold the new country in a strange mix of awe and contempt. Or is it fear of the unknown? Fear of not being able to navigate the new world?

There was talk of handles, tweets, tweet-backs, tweet-ups. And how they all relate to blogs and SMS and texting. And how blogs relate to webinars and viral videos. And how they all relate to Facebook. There was talk of BarackObama.com as an exemplar marketing drive. And how the CEO of Zappos.com tweets about spilling soda on his pants and how it makes Zappos more “human”. There was talk of non-profit fundraisers using social media to raise money. And marketing people talked about using these technologies to create buzz!

Is this stuff for real? There was clearly a generational gap — I was not the youngest person in the room, this being MIT — but I wasn’t the oldest either. And these people really believed!

And yet, I can’t dismiss it. You can’t arrive in a new country and be dismissive of its people.

The Art of Archery — I

One day I asked the Master: “How can the shot be loosed if `I’ do not do it?

“`It’ shoots,” he replied.

I have heard you say that several times before, so let me put it another way: How can I wait self-obliviously for the shot if `I’ am no longer there?

“`It’ waits at the highest tension.”

And who or what is `It’?

“Once you have understood that, you will have no further need of me. And if I tried to give you a clue at the cost of your own experience, I would be the worst of teachers and would deserve to be fired. So let’s stop talking about it and go on practicing.”

The Art of Archery — II

Then, one day, after a shot, the Master made a deep bow and broke off the lesson. “Just then `It’ shot!” he cried, as I stared at him, bewildered. And when I at last understood what he meant I couldn’t suppress a sudden whoop of delight.

“What I have said”, the Master told me severely, “was not praise, only a statement that ought not to touch you. Nor was my bow meant for you, for you are entirely innocent of this shot. You remained this time absolutely self oblivious and without purpose in the highest tension, so that the shot fell from you like a ripe fruit. Now go on practicing as if nothing had happened.

The Art of Archery — III

“I’m afraid I don’t understand anything more at all,” I answered, “even the simplest things have got in a muddle. It is `I’ who draw the bow, or is it the bow that draws me into a state of highest tension? Do `I’ hit the goal, or does the goal hit me? Is `It’ spiritual when seen by the eyes of the body, and corporeal when seen by the eyes of the spirit–or both or neither? Bow, arrow, goal and ego, all melt into one another, so that I can no longer separate them. And even the need to separate has gone. For as soon as I take the bow and shoot, everything becomes so clear and straightforward and so ridiculously simple….”

“Now at last,” the Master broke in, “the bow-string has cut right through you.”

All this, especially #II, came to mind while visiting California in search of business.  I can no more “get business” than I can shoot an arrow.  It’s a hard thing to learn: I am not the center of this activity, just its agent.

A few of the events I have attended recently involve listening to successful entrepreneurs talk about their stories, the obstacles they faced and how they succeeded. I know they are supposed to be inspirational stories. They are, in a sense, pornography: living vicariously through others’ success, wishing to be like them. But just as pornography teaches you nothing about how to succeed in love, these entrepreneurship meetings teach you nothing about how you can succeed with your idea in your business in your environment. Inspiration must come from within.

As for success, I used to think there are only 2 teachers: practice and failure. Actually, neither is.

You try and try and try, maintaining the state of highest tension, and then it just happens. Or not.