Draft of a talk I gave on July 26, 2009 at the First Parish in Sudbury.
It’s nice to be here after many years and see many familiar faces and talk about my own spiritual journey. I want to thank you for being here, and I hope you will share your thoughts and just visit for a bit afterwards if time allows.
You’ll notice a number of the readings today are from Franz Kafka. Most people who suffered through The Trial back in college or graduate school probably never wanted to read him again but I’ve found a resonance with him. Still, a reminder that the title of this talk is ‘Exploring One’s Inner Sanctum’, not ‘Introduction to Kafka’, in case you were concerned.
Abstract
The opening phrase in many of the ten commandments is “Thou Shalt Not. ” So it is with our legal system — things you can’t do. The guidance on what to do is rare, so how does one resolve the existential questions of life?
The inflexion points of history — our revolution and the civil rights movement are examples — are all shaped by questioning existing laws. Even the day-to-day questions like “should I become a lawyer or a tennis professional?” are answered not by looking outward for guidance but inward.
The Spiritual Tradition in Major Religions
Truth be known it’s not exactly true that religion doesn’t tell you to look inward, but it is suspicious of looking inward. So I’ll talk a bit about how and where an introspective approach fits in the major religions of the world. I’ll be setting this table for about 6-7 minutes talking about role of spirituality in organized religion and then go more into the what and how of an introspective approach to spirituality.
My first introduction to The New Testament was the Gospel of John. What I didn’t know at the time, and learned only recently, is that certain passages in the Gospel of John can only be understood as responses to a community whose beliefs were based on the Gospel of Thomas. For example, scholars mention John’s repeated references to the inability of the world to recognize the divine light (Jn 1:5, 1:10), John’s insistence on the uniqueness of Jesus as the “only begotten” son, and the “I am” sayings (especially, “I am the way, the truth, and the life; no one comes to the father except through me,” addressed pointedly to Thomas in Jn 14:6).
The Gospel of Thomas didn’t make it into the final four. It is mystical and emphasizes a direct and unmediated experience of the truth of life. In Thomas v.108, Jesus said, “Whoever drinks from my mouth will become as I am; I myself shall become that person, and the hidden things will be revealed to him.” Salvation here is personal and found through spiritual introspection. In Thomas v.70, Jesus says, ”If you bring forth what is within you, what you have will save you. If you do not bring it forth, what you do not have within you will kill you.” In Thomas v.3, Jesus says,[30]
…the Kingdom of God is inside of you, and it is outside of you. When you come to know yourselves, then you will become known, and you will realize that it is you who are the sons of the living Father. But if you will not know yourselves, you dwell in poverty, and it is you who are that poverty.
The teaching of salvation (i.e., entering the Kingdom of Heaven) that is found in The Gospel of Thomas is neither that of “works” nor of “grace” as the dichotomy is found in the canonical gospels, but what might be called a third way, that of insight. The overriding concern of The Gospel of Thomas is to find the light within in order to be a light unto the world. In this sense I find echoes of the Buddha in the Thomas Gospel.
In contrast to the Gospel of John, where Jesus is likened to a (divine and beloved) Lord as in ruler, the Thomas gospel portrays Jesus as more the ubiquitous vehicle of mystical inspiration and enlightenment. In Thomas v. 77 where Jesus said,
I am the light that shines over all things. I am everywhere. From me all came forth, and to me all return.
Split a piece of wood, and I am there. Lift a stone, and you will find me there.
Contrast this to John’s idea that salvation was gained through the experience of discovery of the meaning of Jesus’ teaching, as in “In the beginning was the Word, and the Word was with God, and the Word was God.”. The Johannine Community believes in a bodily resurrection; Thomas community believes in a spiritual resurrection and completely rejects a bodily resurrection. So when John has Thomas physically touch the risen Jesus and acknowledge his bodily nature, “he shows Thomas giving up his search for experiential truth – his ‘unbelief’ – to confess what John sees as the truth….” (Pagels, pp. 66–73).
Sufi
Elsewhere, the Sufi tradition of Islam is a mystical tradition encompassing poetry, music (yes, music) and dancing – whirling dervishes and all. Among the general population they are highly revered. In some quarters they are not even considered a part of Islam at all. One little reading from Rumi before we move on.
I searched for God among the Christians and on the Cross and therein I found Him not.
I went into the ancient temples of idolatry; no trace of Him was there.
I entered the mountain cave of Hira and then went as far as Qandhar but God I found not.
With set purpose I fared to the summit of Mount Caucasus and found there only ‘anqa’s habitation.
Then I directed my search to the Kaaba, the resort of old and young; God was not there even.
Turning to philosophy I inquired about him from ibn Sina but found Him not within his range.
I fared then to the scene of the Prophet’s experience of a great divine manifestation only a “two bow-lengths’ distance from him” but God was not there even in that exalted court.
Finally, I looked into my own heart and there I saw Him; He was nowhere else.
Bhagwad Gita
The Bhagwad Gita, from the Hindu tradition, is another one of my favorite books. I won’t quote from it today but the basic premise of the book is this: the protagonist is stuck between two injunctions and the only way out is to violate one or the other. Left without guidance, he seeks advice. The advice is occasionally mystical but mostly not. And what you get is 18 chapters of beautiful Sanskrit poetry, copious praise for the God within, and an injunction to follow the path shown by that internal moral compass.
The Journey
All this is fine, we get it, gotta look inside yourself. But what does it really mean? How does one do that?
Let me clarify first. A call to listen to your inner self is not a call to doing whatever you feel like. Why were you speeding? My inner self told me to, officer, and now my inner self is telling me to grab a baseball bat and … I see it as a guidance for our frontal cortex, those executive functions, that parent-self within ourselves, the self that guides our goals and connects our actions, one to the next.
For the journey, I invite you back to Kafka, this one from a parable called “My Destination”
I called for my horse to be brought from the stable. The servant did not understand me. I myself went into the stable, saddled my horse and mounted.
In the distance I heard a bugle call. I asked him what it meant but he did not know and had not heard it.
By the gate he stopped me and asked “where are you riding to sir?” I answered “away from here, away from here, always away from here. Only by doing so can I reach my destination.” “Then you know your destination” he asked. ”Yes” I said ”I have already said so, ‘Away-From-Here’ that is my destination.”
“You have no provisions with you” he said. “I don’t need any” I said. “The journey is so long that I will die of hunger if I do not get something along the way. It is, fortunately, a truly immense journey.”
I love this parable because it embodies the essence of being centered.
- First, he calls for the horse to be brought from the stable and ends up doing it himself. The servant doesn’t understand him. No one is going to understand what this quest is. It is your quest, not their quest. When the servant didn’t hear him, he didn’t just say it louder. He went and did it himself. He commands only those that are capable of being commanded by him, he holds no sway over others and he knows it.
- Second, he hears the bugle call. Again, the servant did not hear it. He’s on his own. I want to elaborate on this a little bit, because here is a case of being centered enough to be able to hear. He was getting ready to leave anyway but this was a call.
- I remember Rich Davison, many years ago, talking about having spent some time at a retreat in Western Massachusetts. The first few days they were not supposed to talk to anyone, no spoken words whatsoever. Not even a polite hello to people you pass hiking a trail. They wore a little tag saying they were in silent meditation so people won’t think they’re being rude. The purpose, of course, is to quiet down so the faint voice within can be heard.
- In many Native American groups, the Vision Quest is a turning point in life taken before puberty to find oneself and the intended spiritual and life direction. When an older child is ready, he or she will go on a personal, spiritual quest alone in the wilderness, often in conjunction with a period of fasting. This usually lasts for a number of days while the child is attuned to the spirit world. Usually, a Guardian animal will come in a vision or dream, and their life direction will appear at some point.
- Seems to me, one is not likely to hear the bugle in front of the TV watching a movie.
- Seems to me, one is not likely to hear the bugle when your cell phone is ringing, or your boss wants to know why the deadline was missed, or why your project is over budget, or when the bank is foreclosing on your house. But maybe the call of the bugle is a little more audible once you have already lost the job, or your house, and are now trying to assess what to do next. I wouldn’t wish it on anyone but a dark and quiet world does make it easier to hear the distant bugle.
- Third, there is the idea of not really knowing one’s destination. “Away from here” is all he can say. There is a destiny but neither one knows what it is. And, that’s no reason to not leave. Whatever is not known at this moment will be revealed later.
- Fourth, is the most interesting part. It’s about traveling light, of course, but to me the provisions and baggage are your prejudices and preconceived notions. And they need to be left behind and life needs to be looked at from a fresh and more innocent perspective. In a spiritual sense, that’s the biggest baggage, isn’t it?
I would like to re-read the parable one more time and we can talk about it after. (skip if running short of time)
I called for my horse to be brought from the stable. The servant did not understand me. I myself went into the stable, saddled my horse and mounted.
In the distance I heard a bugle call. I asked him what it meant but he did not know and had not heard it.
By the gate he stopped me and asked “where are you riding to sir?” I answered “away from here, away from here, always away from here. Only by doing so can I reach my destination.” “Then you know your destination” he asked. ”Yes” I said ”I have already said so, ‘Away-From-Here’ that is my destination.”
“You have no provisions with you” he said. “I don’t need any” I said. “The journey is so long that I will die of hunger if I do not get something along the way. It is, fortunately, a truly immense journey.”
This theme of long journeys and patient struggles appears again and again, in Kafka and elsewhere. Our civil rights movement didn’t start with Dr. King and it didn’t end with him either. They are long struggles, they take generations and still they are incomplete.
Returning our attention to Before the Law, which is another depiction of a long and fruitless wait, I used to think of it as a very sad piece at first. Soon after, it became a call to action, something that said there are times we have to have the courage to push past the guard just as he invited the man to do, and the parable became a call for courage for me.
Only recently have I started to see it as a joyful parable. Well, OK, joyful in a sad sort of way. The man did everything he could think to do, but all through he acted properly, politely, patiently, legally, non-violently. He never gave up his goal and he never gave up trying to achieve it without cutting corners. For me there is joy and celebration in that.
To cite an example from real life, the Dalai Lama has been camped outside the gates of Tibet for nearly 50 years now, still waiting for permission to enter!
The Destination
I’d like to end with a meditation, meditation inspired by Before the Law. It comes from one of my dreams and like all dreams, it doesn’t fit the parable perfectly. It imagines an alternative ending to the parable, one in which the man has entered the gates of law. What he is actually entering is more a temple — think the Basillica in Rome or what the Grand Temple in Luxor may have been like. You are welcome to close your eyes but you don’t have to, of course. After the reading, please observe a silence for about 15 seconds.
Outside, grandiose and imposing, designed to inspire awe. Leave your ego at the door as you enter. You will have no use for it inside.
Inside, the drama of worship. Candles, bells, pews, hymns, words of wisdom. Distractions all, but helpful in their own way.
Go further in, until you can hear the silence. Your own silence.
What’s this? The sound of your inner wars, evocation of the grandiosity you thought you left far outside. Wars from decades ago, deeds, words and thoughts that shaped you — like chisels shape marble.
It’s dark now. The chisels have fallen silent. In the sanctuary, you can not see, only feel. There is no one here.
What you came to worship was your inner self.
